{"id":3421,"date":"2017-08-14T11:15:41","date_gmt":"2017-08-14T10:15:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.danielebesana.com\/blog\/?p=3421"},"modified":"2017-08-14T12:15:23","modified_gmt":"2017-08-14T11:15:23","slug":"lessons-before-38","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/life\/lessons-before-38","title":{"rendered":"3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 38"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Today I turn 38 and I feel totally entitled\u00a0to write this <strong>paternalistic post<\/strong> about important life matters.<\/p>\n<p>And since I&#8217;ve no kids, this time I&#8217;ll be addressing my readers as my <strong>imaginary children<\/strong>, or I should say my <strong>imaginary readers<\/strong> as my children.<\/p>\n<p>Looking back, connecting the dots, and reflecting on where I stand, I found <strong>three lessons<\/strong> I&#8217;m glad I learned.<\/p>\n<h2><\/h2>\n<h2>1. Happiness is Personal<\/h2>\n<p>No lifestyle is better than the other. I tried a few different lifestyles in my previous 37 years. Actually, I can say that experimenting with lifestyles is a hobby of mine.<\/p>\n<p>Then I noticed that we have some natural tendency to perpetrate our lifestyle as\u00a0<strong>better<\/strong> than others, and see others as <strong>less happy human beings<\/strong>. This is particularly true when people with the same lifestyle come together as a group.<\/p>\n<p>Here are some examples:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>The Yogini talking about how unhappy are people that don&#8217;t practice Yoga<\/li>\n<li>The travelers talking about how unhappy are people that don&#8217;t travel<\/li>\n<li>The free men talking about how unhappy are people that work in an office<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The following story was an eye-opener for me.<\/p>\n<p>While traveling Colombia (2011), I visited an organization in the poorest area of Baranquilla. My contact there was a troubled couple. Between <strong>dramas, jealousy, and fights<\/strong> they were considering a divorce.<\/p>\n<p>They inquired about my life and I decided to tactfully avoid over-excitement. I told them that I left Italy and now living and working in the Netherlands. That I lived alone and I didn&#8217;t\u00a0have a wife. That I was dancing Salsa a lot and having a good time.<\/p>\n<p>Their reaction left me bewildered: <i>&#8220;Aren&#8217;t you bored?&#8221;<\/i><\/p>\n<p>My life in their eyes was boring because it was <strong>not shared<\/strong>. Their lives, full of dramas, emotions, and community services, were not boring.<\/p>\n<p>And that&#8217;s how I learned that\u00a0<strong>happiness is personal\u00a0<\/strong>and can&#8217;t be judged. You can only take care of yours.<\/p>\n<p>Hence my motto: <strong>&#8220;Whatever you do every day, enjoy your lifestyle.&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2>2. Money is Important<\/h2>\n<p>I&#8217;m not talking about\u00a0<strong>having money,<\/strong> but about\u00a0<strong>our relationship with money<\/strong>. Unfortunately, financial education isn&#8217;t taught at school, and when I entered the workforce and turn <a href=\"https:\/\/it.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Salaryman\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">sarariman<\/a>\u00a0I was left trying to figure out a <strong>very important<\/strong> aspect of life.<\/p>\n<p>Let&#8217;s be clear: we are born to follow our virtues, dreams, passions, to explore ourselves and the World around us. Not to make money and spend money. <strong>Fuck money<\/strong>, except that you need money to do almost everything; unless you live out in the woods like <a href=\"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/books\/recommended-book-walden\">Henry Thoreau in Walden<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>You may say that money is the necessary evil, I say it is better to work out a good relationship even with unpleasant travel companions \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n<p>These things helped me a lot:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>I&#8217;m\u00a0<em>Brianzolo<\/em> (from Brianza, the area of Italy I&#8217;m from) and this means I&#8217;ve a natural tendency to accumulate savings;<\/li>\n<li>My family always taught me sobriety and to avoid waste;<\/li>\n<li>The book <a href=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/2uC27T2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Your Money or Your Life<\/a>\u00a0transformed the way I see money.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>I&#8217;m not rich and I don&#8217;t\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/dictionary.cambridge.org\/dictionary\/english\/live-off-the-fat-of-the-land\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">live off the fat of the land<\/a>, but thanks to my family example and\u00a0the\u00a0glorious IT career (that I threw away at age 33) I was lucky to start growing my savings early in life.<\/p>\n<p>And at the beginning of my 30s, due to a\u00a0<strong>good bad influence<\/strong> and the infamous <strong>30s life crisis<\/strong>, I embraced <a href=\"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/life\/frugally-high-quality-life\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">frugality (this is an article from 5 years ago!)<\/a>\u00a0and that set me freer than anything else.<br \/>\nI doubt that I would have started my own business without having a good relationship with money.<\/p>\n<p>Money is important, so better learn how it work and <strong>respect it!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2>3. Aim not to Inspire<\/h2>\n<p>There&#8217;s a disturbing over-use of the word <em>inspire<\/em>\u00a0and <em>inspiring<\/em>, almost as annoying as the word\u00a0<em>influencer<\/em>. I hear more and more brilliant people saying that they want to <em>inspire others.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>What I learn is that\u00a0<strong><em>inspiring others<\/em> is not a goal, but a consequence<\/strong>. It should never be the goal of our actions.<\/p>\n<p>Why? Because people are different and react differently. They are inspired by different actions and have different values.<\/p>\n<p>When in 2012 I announced that <strong>I was quitting my job<\/strong> to make money online (super vague!) I got all sort of reactions: some folks said they admired me, others said I was ambitious, others said it was inspiring, but most said I was nuts, stupid, crazy, inconsiderate.<br \/>\nMy favorite came from an older\u00a0ex-colleague that tried to dissuade me because of the World economic crisis going on.<br \/>\nI guess nowadays his argument would still be the same.<\/p>\n<p>Similarly, from time to time, I get messages from strangers saying that I&#8217;m inspiring because of this or that. I blush, but I know that it has to do with them and not with me; because<strong>\u00a0we need and seek<\/strong> <strong>inspiration<\/strong>.<strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Here are the three lessons. I hope you appreciate that I spare you things like &#8216;family is important&#8217;, &#8216;friends make me happy&#8217; or &#8216;traveling the world is great&#8217;.<\/p>\n<p>How do you feel after reading this? Let me know in the comment, so I can have a nice birthday!<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"kk-star-ratings kksr-auto kksr-align-left kksr-valign-bottom\"\n    data-payload='{&quot;align&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;id&quot;:&quot;3421&quot;,&quot;slug&quot;:&quot;default&quot;,&quot;valign&quot;:&quot;bottom&quot;,&quot;ignore&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;reference&quot;:&quot;auto&quot;,&quot;class&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;count&quot;:&quot;12&quot;,&quot;legendonly&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;readonly&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;score&quot;:&quot;4.9&quot;,&quot;starsonly&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;best&quot;:&quot;5&quot;,&quot;gap&quot;:&quot;5&quot;,&quot;greet&quot;:&quot;Rate this post&quot;,&quot;legend&quot;:&quot;4.9\\\/5 - (12 votes)&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;24&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 38&quot;,&quot;width&quot;:&quot;139.6&quot;,&quot;_legend&quot;:&quot;{score}\\\/{best} - ({count} {votes})&quot;,&quot;font_factor&quot;:&quot;1.25&quot;}'>\n            \n<div class=\"kksr-stars\">\n    \n<div class=\"kksr-stars-inactive\">\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"1\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"2\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"3\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"4\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"5\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n    \n<div class=\"kksr-stars-active\" style=\"width: 139.6px;\">\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n<\/div>\n                \n\n<div class=\"kksr-legend\" style=\"font-size: 19.2px;\">\n            4.9\/5 - (12 votes)    <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Today I turn 38 and I feel totally entitled\u00a0to write this paternalistic post about important life matters. And since I&#8217;ve no kids, this time I&#8217;ll be addressing my readers as my imaginary children, or I should say my imaginary readers as my children. Looking back, connecting the dots, and reflecting on where I stand, I&hellip; <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/life\/lessons-before-38\">Continua a leggere <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 38<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6834,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3421","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life","entry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 38<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Today I turn 38 and I feel totally entitled\u00a0to write this paternalistic post about important life matters. And since I&#039;ve no kids, this time I&#039;ll be\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/life\/lessons-before-38\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"it_IT\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 38\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Today I turn 38 and I feel totally entitled\u00a0to write this paternalistic post about important life matters. 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