{"id":8509,"date":"2024-08-13T22:34:22","date_gmt":"2024-08-13T21:34:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/?p=8509"},"modified":"2024-08-16T13:10:11","modified_gmt":"2024-08-16T12:10:11","slug":"lessons-before-45","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/life\/lessons-before-45","title":{"rendered":"3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 45"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>7 years ago I wrote a post &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/life\/lessons-before-38\">3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 38<\/a>&#8220;.<br>5 years ago I wrote a post &#8220;I&#8217;m not 40 yet&#8221;, but I never published it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After all this time, I felt the urge to write again mainly to force myself to stop &amp; think for a little while &#8211; that&#8217;s what writing does to me anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I went all-in &#8211; digging into my soul, searching through the cracks of the mind &#8211; looking for the 3 lessons I learned before turning 45 and after turning 38.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>I found nothing<\/strong>, which should be worrying enough. What happened to me? What has changed? Where am I standing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Marriage! I hear someone say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And with this spirit, I turned to my wife Hanny asking her how I changed in the past 5 years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I posted her reply on X, where I totalized 2 Likes \/ 0 Reply \/ 0 Repost:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-twitter wp-block-embed-twitter\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"550\" data-dnt=\"true\"><p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">How I changed in the past 5 years according to my wife: <br>&#8211; I&#39;m less stingy<br>&#8211; I enjoy better food<br>&#8211; I work less<br>&#8211; I&#39;m more athletic<br>&#8211; I&#39;m no longer obsessed with Salsa<a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/hashtag\/tadalist?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">#tadalist<\/a><\/p>&mdash; Daniele Besana \/ WP-OK (@danielebesana) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/danielebesana\/status\/1816937549304390032?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">July 26, 2024<\/a><\/blockquote><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>How I changed in the past 5 years according to my wife: <\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>I&#8217;m less stingy<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I enjoy better food<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I work less<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I&#8217;m more athletic<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I&#8217;m no longer obsesses with Salsa<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>I must say that this is a very accurate and positive list. Exactly what I needed!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. I&#8217;m less stingy<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Everyone has a relation with money, shaped by family\/surrounding\/experiences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mine is just this: <strong>accumulate &amp; blame it on Brianza<\/strong> (the area in Italy where I&#8217;m from).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Or when I want to sound more profound, <strong>I blame it on frugality.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/life\/frugally-high-quality-life\">Frugally high quality of life?<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I still enjoy the frugal living, although in the past years I made a few decisions in the opposite direction of frugality.<br>Welcome hypocrisy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I give an example.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>5 years ago I had one bicycle and I felt totally <em>Amsterdammer<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then I bought a motorbike (long time passion of mine, after a few years without one):<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"961\" height=\"961\" src=\"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-7.png\" alt=\"Twiny\" class=\"wp-image-8512\" srcset=\"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-7.png 961w, https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-7-300x300.png 300w, https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-7-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-7-768x768.png 768w, https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-7-96x96.png 96w, https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-7-84x84.png 84w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 961px) 100vw, 961px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Our motorbike, Twiny<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<p>Then an old car with a huge polluting engine, &#8216;cause nobody is really free without a car:<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-8-1024x472.png\" alt=\"Hola\" class=\"wp-image-8513\"\/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Our car, Hola<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<p>And finally a scooter to commute to the office:<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"392\" height=\"529\" src=\"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-9-edited-e1723571319680.png\" alt=\"Scooter\" class=\"wp-image-8515\" srcset=\"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-9-edited-e1723571319680.png 392w, https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/image-9-edited-e1723571319680-222x300.png 222w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 392px) 100vw, 392px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Our scooter, Surimi<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<p>Ah, the office! That was another huge change, after 8 years of <s>quarantine<\/s> working-from-home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I enjoy my vehicles unapologetically.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Back to the point: yes I&#8217;m less stingy, and I developed an healthier relation with money.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I still don&#8217;t like consumerism.<br>I still enjoy second-hand stuff more than new.<br>I still avoid waste and enjoy a worn out shoe, used as intended.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But we&#8217;re <em>childfree<\/em> and we just have less to worry than most of the people I know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Enters acceptance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. I enjoy better food<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>That&#8217;s mostly <strong>because<\/strong> of Hanny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I never been much of a foodie, and I&#8217;ve been seen eating tuna out of the can&#8230; appreciating food came with age ????<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I may lack in taste buds, but I&#8217;m blessed with a strong stomach.<br>I&#8217;ve eaten street food anywhere I&#8217;ve been with very little problems, and in more recent times I&#8217;ve been absorbing energy gels during long runs at the high rate of 90 grams of carbs per hour.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I won&#8217;t recognize the difference between fancy wines.<br>I won&#8217;t remember all the names of the veggies I tried around the world. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Again, acceptance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3. I work less<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>That&#8217;s was a bit of a surprise to hear, but it&#8217;s also very true.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And the explanation is quite simple: I&#8217;ve been self-employed for 12 years now (!), I run 2 companies, and I know how it works.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And most important: <strong>I&#8217;m not focused on growth at the expense of quality of life.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Recently a friend, talking about his business, told me: <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>&#8220;it&#8217;s not difficult to get out a good salary&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That struck me as quite essential and important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>How many I met that running after stellar growth ended up <strong>without <\/strong>a salary?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Or that are too busy trying to be <strong>more productive<\/strong>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Oh, the productivity! Let&#8217;s not get there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Right now, I just need a <strong>good salary<\/strong> and <strong>excitement<\/strong> for what I do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I accepted that I&#8217;m not the smartest entrepreneur.<br>I accepted that there are better ways to do things.<br>I accepted that there are lessons that I won&#8217;t learn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Again, acceptance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">4. I&#8217;m more athletic<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Once again you chose the perfect word, Hanny:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Athletic: <em>physically strong, fit, and active<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I never run so much as 2024 &#8211; 2,258km to date, to be precise, and 45 more km coming up tomorrow as I&#8217;ll have my birthday-run.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the past 3 years I grew obsessed with <em>ultramarathons<\/em> &#8211; actually not a very original choice as it&#8217;s one of the most fast-growing sports worldwide.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And I discovered <a href=\"https:\/\/www.100kmdelpassatore.it\/\">Passatore<\/a>, the most historical 100km race in Italy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A dream at first, I participated and finished my first 100km del Passatore this year:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group is-content-justification-center is-nowrap is-layout-flex wp-container-core-group-is-layout-94bc23d7 wp-block-group-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"strava-embed-placeholder\" data-embed-type=\"activity\" data-embed-id=\"11498471502\" data-style=\"standard\"><\/div><script src=\"https:\/\/strava-embeds.com\/embed.js\"><\/script>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Happy? Yes! But I wanted to do better than 15h57m!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Again, acceptance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Especially because I never been an athlete and I was terrible at all sports.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I understood that life goes in phases, and for me this is the phase where I run a lot, <em>with gusto<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">5. I&#8217;m no longer obsesses with Salsa<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Another truth. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I had so much fun with Salsa dancing (and playing). It has been such a big part of my life here in Amsterdam. <br>I met great people from all walks of life. <br>Salsa is for everyone:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>La baila el grande, la baila el chico. La goza el pobre, tambi\u00e9n el rico.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe title=\"Ray Barretto &quot;Nadie se salva de la rumba&quot;\" width=\"750\" height=\"563\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/v5v6Srs11pA?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>But the current reality is that the last few times I went out dancing Salsa with friends&#8230;. I did not enjoy it much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That made me sad, because I thought that I could go back at it anytime. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But it&#8217;s not true. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Maybe that phase is really over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Again, acceptance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">And now?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The silver lining of turning 45, it should be clear by now, has to do with <strong>acceptance<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In my case, mostly applied to my own limits and preferences.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We are born to follow our virtues, dreams, passions, to explore ourselves and the World around us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To have fun (mostly optional) and to suffer (mostly mandatory). Unless you&#8217;re a long-distance runner, of course.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Time to resort to a famous quote:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, &#8216;If this isn&#8217;t nice, I don&#8217;t know what is.\u201d<\/p>\n<cite>Kurt Vonnegut<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p>I should really read Vonnegut one of these <s>days<\/s> years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>How do you feel after reading this post? <br>Let me know in the comment, it&#8217;s only important to me.<\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"kk-star-ratings kksr-auto kksr-align-left kksr-valign-bottom\"\n    data-payload='{&quot;align&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;id&quot;:&quot;8509&quot;,&quot;slug&quot;:&quot;default&quot;,&quot;valign&quot;:&quot;bottom&quot;,&quot;ignore&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;reference&quot;:&quot;auto&quot;,&quot;class&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;count&quot;:&quot;3&quot;,&quot;legendonly&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;readonly&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;score&quot;:&quot;5&quot;,&quot;starsonly&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;best&quot;:&quot;5&quot;,&quot;gap&quot;:&quot;5&quot;,&quot;greet&quot;:&quot;Rate this post&quot;,&quot;legend&quot;:&quot;5\\\/5 - (3 votes)&quot;,&quot;size&quot;:&quot;24&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 45&quot;,&quot;width&quot;:&quot;142.5&quot;,&quot;_legend&quot;:&quot;{score}\\\/{best} - ({count} {votes})&quot;,&quot;font_factor&quot;:&quot;1.25&quot;}'>\n            \n<div class=\"kksr-stars\">\n    \n<div class=\"kksr-stars-inactive\">\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"1\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"2\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"3\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"4\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" data-star=\"5\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n    \n<div class=\"kksr-stars-active\" style=\"width: 142.5px;\">\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n            <div class=\"kksr-star\" style=\"padding-right: 5px\">\n            \n\n<div class=\"kksr-icon\" style=\"width: 24px; height: 24px;\"><\/div>\n        <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n<\/div>\n                \n\n<div class=\"kksr-legend\" style=\"font-size: 19.2px;\">\n            5\/5 - (3 votes)    <\/div>\n    <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>7 years ago I wrote a post &#8220;3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 38&#8220;.5 years ago I wrote a post &#8220;I&#8217;m not 40 yet&#8221;, but I never published it. After all this time, I felt the urge to write again mainly to force myself to stop &amp; think for a little while &#8211; that&#8217;s what writing&hellip; <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/danielebesana.com\/blog\/life\/lessons-before-45\">Continua a leggere <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 45<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":8522,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8509","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life","entry"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 45<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"7 years ago I wrote a post &quot;3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 38&quot;.5 years ago I wrote a post &quot;I&#039;m not 40 yet&quot;, but I never published it. 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