3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 45

7 years ago I wrote a post “3 Lessons Learned Before Turning 38“.
5 years ago I wrote a post “I’m not 40 yet”, but I never published it.

After all this time, I felt the urge to write again mainly to force myself to stop & think for a little while – that’s what writing does to me anyway.

I went all-in – digging into my soul, searching through the cracks of the mind – looking for the 3 lessons I learned before turning 45 and after turning 38.

I found nothing, which should be worrying enough. What happened to me? What has changed? Where am I standing?

Marriage! I hear someone say.

And with this spirit, I turned to my wife Hanny asking her how I changed in the past 5 years.

I posted her reply on X, where I totalized 2 Likes / 0 Reply / 0 Repost:

How I changed in the past 5 years according to my wife:
– I'm less stingy
– I enjoy better food
– I work less
– I'm more athletic
– I'm no longer obsessed with Salsa#tadalist

— Daniele Besana / WP-OK (@danielebesana) July 26, 2024

How I changed in the past 5 years according to my wife:

• I’m less stingy
• I enjoy better food
• I work less
• I’m more athletic
• I’m no longer obsesses with Salsa

I must say that this is a very accurate and positive list. Exactly what I needed!

1. I’m less stingy

Everyone has a relation with money, shaped by family/surrounding/experiences.

Mine is just this: accumulate & blame it on Brianza (the area in Italy where I’m from).

Or when I want to sound more profound, I blame it on frugality.

Frugally high quality of life?

I still enjoy the frugal living, although in the past years I made a few decisions in the opposite direction of frugality.
Welcome hypocrisy.

I give an example.

5 years ago I had one bicycle and I felt totally Amsterdammer.

Then I bought a motorbike (long time passion of mine, after a few years without one):

Then an old car with a huge polluting engine, ‘cause nobody is really free without a car:

And finally a scooter to commute to the office:

Ah, the office! That was another huge change, after 8 years of quarantine working-from-home.

I enjoy my vehicles unapologetically.

Back to the point: yes I’m less stingy, and I developed an healthier relation with money.

I still don’t like consumerism.
I still enjoy second-hand stuff more than new.
I still avoid waste and enjoy a worn out shoe, used as intended.

But we’re childfree and we just have less to worry than most of the people I know.

Enters acceptance.

2. I enjoy better food

That’s mostly because of Hanny.

I never been much of a foodie, and I’ve been seen eating tuna out of the can… appreciating food came with age ????

I may lack in taste buds, but I’m blessed with a strong stomach.
I’ve eaten street food anywhere I’ve been with very little problems, and in more recent times I’ve been absorbing energy gels during long runs at the high rate of 90 grams of carbs per hour.

I won’t recognize the difference between fancy wines.
I won’t remember all the names of the veggies I tried around the world.

Again, acceptance.

3. I work less

That’s was a bit of a surprise to hear, but it’s also very true.

And the explanation is quite simple: I’ve been self-employed for 12 years now (!), I run 2 companies, and I know how it works.

And most important: I’m not focused on growth at the expense of quality of life.

Recently a friend, talking about his business, told me:

“it’s not difficult to get out a good salary”

That struck me as quite essential and important.

How many I met that running after stellar growth ended up without a salary?

Or that are too busy trying to be more productive?

Oh, the productivity! Let’s not get there.

Right now, I just need a good salary and excitement for what I do.

I accepted that I’m not the smartest entrepreneur.
I accepted that there are better ways to do things.
I accepted that there are lessons that I won’t learn.

Again, acceptance.

4. I’m more athletic

Once again you chose the perfect word, Hanny:

Athletic: physically strong, fit, and active

I never run so much as 2024 – 2,258km to date, to be precise, and 45 more km coming up tomorrow as I’ll have my birthday-run.

In the past 3 years I grew obsessed with ultramarathons – actually not a very original choice as it’s one of the most fast-growing sports worldwide.

And I discovered Passatore, the most historical 100km race in Italy.

A dream at first, I participated and finished my first 100km del Passatore this year:

Happy? Yes! But I wanted to do better than 15h57m!

Again, acceptance.

Especially because I never been an athlete and I was terrible at all sports.

I understood that life goes in phases, and for me this is the phase where I run a lot, with gusto.

5. I’m no longer obsesses with Salsa

Another truth.

I had so much fun with Salsa dancing (and playing). It has been such a big part of my life here in Amsterdam.
I met great people from all walks of life.
Salsa is for everyone:

La baila el grande, la baila el chico. La goza el pobre, también el rico.

But the current reality is that the last few times I went out dancing Salsa with friends…. I did not enjoy it much.

That made me sad, because I thought that I could go back at it anytime.

But it’s not true.

Maybe that phase is really over.

Again, acceptance.

And now?

The silver lining of turning 45, it should be clear by now, has to do with acceptance.

In my case, mostly applied to my own limits and preferences.

We are born to follow our virtues, dreams, passions, to explore ourselves and the World around us.

To have fun (mostly optional) and to suffer (mostly mandatory). Unless you’re a long-distance runner, of course.

Time to resort to a famous quote:

And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”

Kurt Vonnegut

I should really read Vonnegut one of these days years.

How do you feel after reading this post?
Let me know in the comment, it’s only important to me.